Another 4 days^^

Another 4 days to go.
Anything can happen within this days but I cannot tolerate with my feelings anymore.
The feeling of impatient and the feeling of freedom is everywhere^^.
I swear to God, this is the moment that I waiting since I came here.
I am regret of choosing here.
But looking back in this couple of months I very thankful to all therapist here.
Because of them, I discovered that I am not ready yet to handle pediatrics case.
I discovered that I don't like kids! So how lar this... matai if ada anak sendiri huhu
Maybe it is true that I am suit to handle burn cases, because my own attitudes.
I don't like to talk with others, I do like to focus on my task only.
What else I discovered here?
I am average girl in and out (that's the fact)
I am improving in my own ways ( of course lar^^)
I can handle my own feelings ( wkakakakaka! not really)
No hatred to others (really??? Phuuuuiiii i am good in camouflage what)
Close to God (yeah! I have faith on you)
Close to my families ( everyday I called them to complaint^^)
Close to mr.Bf (everyday he gave me a positive thinking)
and of course
I am so very closed with my blog! (tempat meluahkan segalanya hehehe^^)

Stop

I don't like peoples to look or watch my every single step because I don't like attention.
I am not an attention seeker!
Again.. NOT ATTENTION SEEKER OK!
So stop interfere in my life.
I'm just an average girl who had her own personal space!
And I do really care of my own business.
I don't care your business but why must you disturbed mine?
Stop annoying me!
Do you think you're perfect enough to spoke out on your own?
So, if you perfect enough then make your own way, don't try to bother others especially mine.
Eye Contact?
Oh,please! Who are you til I want to make an eye contact every time we had conversation?
I don't care if you said I have poor eye contact.
Did it disturbed you life? NO,right? So stop behave like a perfectionist in front of me.
Don't talk without thinking!
So pity on you. Sometimes you make a jokes about yourself by reflected others.
Poor you!
Very irritated when you make a jokes about others. I wonder...
You want others to respect you, but please.. take a mirror and look yourself first before talking bad like that.
You are such a !@#$%^&****! With full arrogant attitude.
There's no meaning if I want to respect you.
Not worth it!

Cannot Wait

I cannot wait til next week!
Why? Because I want to go back or the fact reason is I want to run away from this hell.
I really don't like this place so much. So annoying and irritating.
Gosh! Just because I am student a.k.a trainee, I'd been entertained like a rubbish!
Damn! Really hypocrite to be here.
This is me. I only talk when I need too. And I only respect to the person who respect themselves and others.
But in this case, I NEED to respect you just because you are my superior.
How powerful if you have power a.k.a superior?
I promise to my self I will not entertain like you did to me to my junior or trainee under me in the future.
I wish I can be a good therapist in the future. Not a specialist one, but I just want to be the human being therapist.
Stop with the wish!
I can feel the time is running so slow. Haish!
Why you so slow? I wish I be in KL this weekend.
How I wish that.
Only my body here, but my soul already packed her things and back to KL...
Wuuuuuuaaaaaaa.. So kejam!
I don't care about my marks anymore.
Cos I know, I already did my best and all out for my self.
And still if you gave me a low marks then I feel sorry to you.
To jealousy with others. And it will return to you one day!

Suffered!

Hahahaha!!
Did u understand what my title's mean today? Lame!
Actually it's been a week i try to post this title but i don't have the contents yet.
So, what I want to share today is my life as a student and my suffering to be a student.
hahaha!! So funny lar me..^^
OK! Why I said I am suffered as a student?
There's a lot of reason. Whoever ever be a student knows the reason.
And actually it's the same reason for the most student.
Let me list down what's make me suffered.

1. Assignments - of cos lar kan we hate this especially when the due date is come
   
2. Exam - i hate this! but at the same time i like it hahaha.. it make me did my job as a student
3. Practical - love it if the place is ok and hate it if i got !@#$%^ superior
4. during practical @@@@@

• case study
• reports
• interview
• therapist-trainee relationship
• group activity
• home visit/school visit
• PRESENTATION

Actually i want to jot down everything that make me suffered. But enough for this time.
I will explain it in my next post. Hopefully!

Time Mx

Today is 23rd Oct and that's mean I still got 12 days here and minus the weekend
I would like to say here I got another 9 more days to see and to face that women face!
So happy when I count the days.
But still, I am worried because this coming Monday is my OSPE exam.
And this is my first time to take it.. huhu--> nervous tahap dewa nie
Besides my exam, I still need to face 1 more case presentation after yesterday's presentation.
I might said, yesterday presentation most ok in my case presentation since I came here.
I admit there was a lacking idea in my presentation but
I am student ok! Don't expect too much from me even I am 3rd year student.
But this is my 1st time handle with pediatric cases.
So please my dear superior..
Please understand my place!

Another things to worry is to submitting case study.
Imagine, I need to send 4 case study in 4 weeks I am here.
Meaning, every week I need to send one to my LP.
Gosh! How I want to focus with one case and understand it?
If I sent to simple, then you complained me..
If you want me to learned more, then why don't you give me time?
You only know to said "Time Management".
I know what the meaning of time management.
But did you think we got enough time to do all the stuff that you want?

• 4 Case Study different diagnose

• 2 Case presentation

• 2 Group Activity Individual handling with patient more than 10 person

• 1 adaptation tools that cannot be bought in shop

• Report every day cases

• OSPE

If like this then we will die first before submit all the task you want.
Every day we don't have enough rest and sleep.
Even at noon, we don't go out to take our lunch because we want to finish all stuff that you want us to finish it.
And if we came to department with the tired face, then you blame us.
We are human as yourself!
We know how the tired felt!
We are human not a robot. Even a robot also can broke if they don't have rest.
So do we!
Imagine! Every day we need to handle more than 7 kids that have behavioral problems.
Why don't you understand us? You also ever be a student like us?
Why don't you have sympathy on us?

Please God, give us strength. Guide us in proper way.
Bless us in every step that we go. No matter what, we have faith on you,God.
Please be with us (me and roommate)
AMEN

Laze

I went to Ipoh Parade today with Veron, Ahyong and Ishak..
Roomate not followed us because she want to rest due to hectic day on Friday.
For the 1st time, on Friday night since we came here, we went out and hang out til midnight.
Thanx to Nad for her sympathy on us hahaha..
Ishak statement "10 tahun akan dtg bru sy tbeli keta nie" (^^)
On Friday night we went to Jusco, fetched by Nad around 8.15pm.
After that we went on rooftop bowling and had a match between 6 of us.
Me, roomate, Ishak, Nad, Bakri and Wan.
We played in 2 games.
1st game won by Bakri and the 2nd game lead by me.
I got my luckiest day if not I'm gonna be Ratu Longkang that night.
The title goes to Roomate and the king's title goes to Wan.
Ok!
That night also, Veron and Ahyong came here from Sg.Buloh.
They arrived around 11 something.
And this morning, me and roomate moved to another house.
Thanx to Veron for helping us!
Very appreciate it.
What I want to complained bout our new house?
No aircond! No bathroom inside our room! No heater
That's why we missed our old house..
But why I like here?
Because we got big room and we have our own balcony ^^
And here also got line for 3G....

Another Hate

Just woke up from sleep.
And roommate continue her sleep after I asked her to do so.
I know we in a same boat. But I salute her because she can manage her stress very well.
Not like me. I need to admit that my coping skills is very poor.
Everytime the stressful hitting me, what can I do just blame myself and cry.
That's the only way that I found can make me calm.
I know it's wrong, but I need to admit that I followed my own flow.
That's the only way I can gain my own strength. The way I found myself calm.
The way I give sensory input to my brain.
The way I make myself keep on thinking.
Keep on aware.
Keep on hating this place.

There's a lot of work waiting for us.
But can I blame ourself not to do that?
Our body, mind and spirit are totally damn tired.
We need to re-energize them..
We need a rest.
Maybe a week of holiday.
Maybe a short time of practical.
Maybe a few works only.
Maybe a changeable placement.
Maybe a switching therapist in charge.
Or
Maybe it's time for us to go back to college...
I wish I'm in college right now.
Attending my class. Listen to my tutor mumbling in front.
Watching my friends sleeping while classes.
Re-join my buddies laughing and teasing each other.
How I love being around them.
How I love being secure.
Not here!
Not in this place I called Hell Placement!
Not here!
Place that I can't found my security and trust.

Silence

Sometimes silence speak louder than words!
But for me my silence is everything.
It's help me to tell the person of everything. That why I know the power of being silence.
By silence, I can tell people
* I don't like her/him
* I hate YOU
* I am mad
* I don't have mood
* I'm not interested at your stories
* You're boring person
* I am speechless
* I don't have idea
* I'm respecting you
and probably
I am a Good Listener ^^

P/s: But here in Ipoh I'd been silence because I don't felt the sense of security. I kept silence because I am nobody, I am fooled by surrounding and I hate to be here with most of the peoples here. They are such a good manipulative peoples..--> Talam 2 muka paling annoying

Hatred

I just had a long conversation with my mum and dad thru phone.
I know I make them sad and worried bout me here.
I just can't stand too long, and I burst out. I cried and cried.
I don't know how to start a conversation with them.
Even one words or even a hello.
Everytime I called them, I will cry.
That's why I hate to call home.
They asked me to be patience here.
I wish I can too but with this situation even others also can't stand with it.
How I hate this girl. Too fragile in and out!
Couldn't stand too long, couldn't face a challenge.
I am sorry daddy.
I am sorry mummy.
I cannot make both of you proud.
I just can make both of you worried bout me.

Block

My mind is block!
No way out. Just a narrow way to death place.
How i hate this kind of mind.
Agak2 lar klu nak datang..
Time org practical time tue lar otak nak shutdown.
If shutdown 1 ari ja xper lar jg.. Nie da dekat seminggu!
Da smpai tahap kena label budak bodoh lar plak!
God, i know everything happen got reason.
But why u give me this at this moment?
What actually u want me to learn?
Please.... I'm begging u..
I can't stand it anymore.
Please bring me out.
I give up.
Totally!

Why?

I can't stand anymore! Even in a few minutes..
I really2 cannot accept all this kind of challenge that you give me,God.
Please.. Let me free from this kind of place.
I really2 feel like there's no one here really can help me.
So much misery. So much tears. So much hurting.
God, please listen to me..
Pleaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeee I beg on you...
This place really kill my soul.
I am lost! Kinda lost and cannot find my way home.
3 weeks is enough for me.
I really don't need 1 months to learn from this place.
I rather choose die than alive if u give me a choices.
Why not you take me away?
Why must u test my soul?
Why me?
WHY?

thank Q

Thank You Soooooo Much To You my dear supervisor..
U make me cry again and again. By the way, I want to admit I'm not like you. I'm not as smart as you. But whatsoever don't ever called me stupid cos u might get it one day. Maybe not u but ur family!
Don't ever try to heat me up. Cos u might regret it.
Do whateva u like. Say whateva u want. Act whateva style.
But watch ur step. U might fall and never get up.
I promise u!
Thank Q!

Nothing

I just came back from a nearby shop. And on the way home, I went to 7E and then drop by to stall to bought Benjo burger hahaha^^ Since I study in KL, I learned a lots of thing especially the food here..
Let start with Nasi Dagang, Nasi Kerabu, Nasi Kukus and so on...
Plus, went I am in Kedah I really2 enjoy the food there. Since, I stayed with my foster family I totally gained weight. Imagined in 1 months I almost heat 58kg huahuahua... Punya lar sandi!
Even I said to Mama I want to diet but she always said "Thieya, x kesian ngan mama ker? Mama penat masak tp xder saper nak makan. Nanti Thieya balik kl x dpt rasa masakan mama.." huhu.. What else I can do besides eat all the food.. haha.. --> How I miss Mama's cooking right now huhu..
Ayam masak merah, Udang sambal tumis, Ketam berkuah, Ikan panggang, and the one my favourite is Mee Kari.. I swear! Mama's mee kari is the best in the world. I can eat more than 5 times hahaha -->punya godoot nie anak kan^^ Plus, I met and know this person--> Kak .... huhu sorry I forgot ur name but I still can remember ur face..
I still remember the moment when we went to ur house,kak.. Punya lar sedap itu ikan ntah apa2 hehe.. but is so nice and now it make me drooling nyum nyum..
Ok! Stop talking bout food. It make me more hungry right now..

* Roomate said to me just now.."Thieya,u know everywhere we went to one place we met and knew new person kan?" And I just paused a while and think bout it. Then I realized it's true.
Like just now. I can talk and have a conversation with the 7E workers like we already know each other since a years.. hahaha.. lawak if i tell the whole story here.. No need to share lar..

WTF

When people said you're stupid what do u feel? or what is your reaction? Of cos mad,rite?
Same goes here. I am mad when I heard this person said like that to me. But after think it wisely, then maybe i need to admit that i am a stupid person. Not because i'm not study ( as the person refer me too) but because i have problem to remember all the topic inside my bo0k!
What do u expect from me? Hafal 1 buku then tell u everything? WTF! I do respect u, but only if u respect me too. After a month working with u, I realize there's no respect for u. U not fit with my criteria of respect!
Hey! One thing. Don't look for me if u need a praise. And don't think that I will follow whateva u said. Maybe I am quiet person, but i am a good observer. And I am very good when came to instinct games! Watch ur step, my dear. Cos I am 1 step closer to u.. And please stop looking at me. Cos I know u don't want it too.
Macam sial ja kan klu tgk muka sy. So, as u wish. Go ahead..
Ingat sy suka sgt tgk muka ko. X payah lar tgk.. Nnt btambah dosa ko.
Yelar.. asal tgk muka sy ja, confirm hati da meluat and mula lar nak myumpah dlm ati..
Kan tambah dosa lar tue..
But apa2 hal pun, sy nak ucap sori byk2 sbb wat ko dissapointed.
Sy jg nak ckp thanx byk2 sbb tunjuk ajar ko slama sebulan nie.. Minta maaf byk2 sbab otak sy x blh trima input yg ko bg..BUKAN SALAH KO TP SALAH SY!
minta maaf ek..
sbb sy x layak jd trainee ko.
dan sy pun sbnarnya sgt2 lar menyesal datang kat cni and ,menjadi trainee ko.
sy bharap sgt2 cpt2 lar masa blalu..
sy nak balik kolej..
sy dah x sggup bdepan ngan perangai auta ko tue.. d tambah dgn hal politik korg yg meningkan kepala sy ja..